“Stuff”

I recently finished reading the book, Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things. The book was standing up on the new book shelf in the library. Since I am in the middle of “the big clean” at our house, going through years of accumulation and debris, the title appealed to me. I think I was expecting something of a how-to, self-help book on clearing out clutter. A little more inspiration and motivation for my sorting and pitching.

The book was not at all what I expected. Written by Randy O. Frost, a psychology professor at Smith College, and Gail Steketee, the dean of the school of social work at Brown University, the book is about the disorder of hoarding. It tells of people whose homes are filled with stacks of papers and boxes, sometimes up to the ceiling, with only small pathways around the rooms. In some cases, the front door cannot even be opened to enter the house. The stove is piled high preventing the possibility of cooking. The hoarding disorder is way beyond the clutter of the Wells household. Whew!

Surprisingly, I found the book fascinating. It was an expose of people and their stuff. The writers not only describe the physical circumstances that they encounter working with hoarders, but they also share the feelings of the hoarders as they seek to deal with their accumulation and the impact it has on their lives. I think what really struck me about the book was the lack of judgment shown by the authors. They described and explained, but did not criticize or condemn. Frost and Steketee tell about what they see. They talk about the people they meet. They describe efforts to de-clutter. They share the feelings of the people they are working with as they try to throw out a used take-out food container or an old newspaper. But they never berate or judge the people. That really impressed me.

The authors could easily have slipped in a condemnatory comment here and there. What’s wrong with these people? How did they let themselves get like this? Why don’t they know better? But there is none of that kind of judging in the book.

While we may not be hoarders, I chance to hazard that we carry around our share of “stuff.” I am thinking about baggage relating to past experiences, upbringing, challenges we have faced, family issues, personality traits, etc. I know I have my accumulation of this kind. And it impacts the choices I make each and every day. It effects my behavior and relationships.

Maybe part of the reason for the accumulation is that we are so judgmental of ourselves. If I look at my stuff honestly, I will think I am a bad person for doing this or not doing that. I will look at some of my past behaviors with shame. So, I leave them accumulating and unexamined; cluttering my psyche and clouding my clarity about the present. I miss the opportunity to learn from the past. And perhaps doom myself to repeat it! More stuff!

Maybe if I could look at things without judgment, with an eye and a heart for understanding and describing rather than judging, I could deal with more of my stuff. Examine it. Treat it with compassion and sympathy. Learn from it. Unload some of it. How can I treat others with compassion and understanding if I can’t show myself the same consideration?

I think the lack of judging and condemnation was what I found most compelling about the book Stuff. That was the real beauty of the book for me. Maybe it was more of a self-help, how-to book than I first thought! Here’s to tackling our “stuff” without criticism or condemnation.