Norman Mailer has been in the public eye recently – something he always craved. He was a writer, social critic, and figure who gained notoriety through shock and excess. But, then, it was the 60’s.
Among other things, Mailer stabbed his third (of 6) wives. Their marriage had soured. He was drunk. She had taunted him. It happened at their apartment in New York as a party they were hosting was winding down. Twice with a pen knife necessitating a four hour emergency surgery. In the immediate aftermath, Mailer told his wife, “I love you and I had to save you from cancer.” The stabbing actually increased Mailer’s infamy and popularity. Twenty-eight years later, he apologized to her: “I’m sorry I trashed your life.” Her reply? “You trashed your life, too.”
Yes, when we hurt someone, we are usually harming ourselves as well. This is the great travesty of sin. Not only do we damage the life of another, we damage ourselves. Vengeance, retribution, hostility, and violence come back to haunt us. Either we suffer directly from regret and remorse or we suffer from the consequences inflicted upon us because of our actions. Evidently the stabbing gnawed at Mailer for at least 28 years. That’s a lot of pain to endure.
Our faith teaches to do the right. We are taught to be generous, to serve others, to invest our lives in the good of the world. We are taught to be loving and nonviolent. We are taught not to harm others. Not to pursue violence. Not to take advantage of others.
But we are not always our best selves. There are those times that we fall short of our ideals. We inflict pain. We do harm. Anger gets the best of us. We disappoint ourselves and others. This is part of the human experience; a consequence of our free will. We will not always choose the right. And that is why our faith is so important.
In Jesus, we are given a way to heal the wounds we cause others and ourselves when we are not the people that we want to be. Christianity is a religion of forgiveness, of reconciliation, of healing, and of restoration. It’s not just about doing the right thing. It’s about doing the right thing after you’ve done the wrong thing, which will inevitable happen. It’s about a way back. Our faith gives us a way to take responsibility for our actions. It gives us the dignity and humility to express regret and remorse. Our faith gives us the strength to seek to make things right through restitution. Our faith teaches us to reach out and heal the rifts that we create.
In addition, our faith teaches us to forgive others. “Forgive us our sins as we forgive the sins of others” we pray in the Savior’s Prayer. Not only do we seek to make things right when we have done wrong, but we also receive with openness the initiatives of others to make right the wrongs they have done. We help others to make a way back as well. Christianity is all about reconciliation after there has been a breach in a relationship.
Years after the stabbing, in talking with his daughter about it, Mailer confessed, “I let God down.” Yes, he did let God down. And his family. And himself. Mailer let God and himself down not only by stabbing his wife but by taking 28 years to begin a reconciliation process. That was 28 years of pain for both of them. As his ex-wife said, he trashed his life, too. All those many years of carrying that burden unresolved when Mailer could have repented and sought the forgiveness of the one he stabbed. Instead, he added to the pain for himself and for her by not seeking reconciliation. I think the added years of suffering were heartbreaking for God.
In this Lenten season, may we take the time to think about what things we have left unresolved. Are there things from days or years past for which we need to make amends. Are we adding to the suffering of another, of ourselves, and of God by not seeking reconciliation in a relationship? This is a time to start a process of repentance, forgiveness, and renewal.
Prayer: We are grateful for this season of Lent with its lengthening days. We are glad for the rebirth of the earth and the new life emerging around us. May we think about those places in our lives that need to be healed, resolved, and reconciled and may we have the courage and strength to pursue forgiveness. Sometimes circumstances take us to places we do not want to go, but our faith in God and the teaching of Jesus give us a way to get back on the right track. God’s open arms are always awaiting us even when we let God, ourselves and others down. Let us accept the offer of new life in Christ. Amen.
Lakewood United Church of Christ 