Jean Johnson: My Faith Story (text)

I was brought up as an MK and a PK – missionary kid and preacher’s kid. And from my earliest days I wanted to go back to the land of my birth, China, and be a missionary. So after graduating from a Methodist college, Ohio Wesleyan, I went on to Yale Divinity School with the blessings of the Board of Missions of the Methodist Church. As some of you know, Yale is a liberal theological school where one is taught to think for one self. Right now they have a student body composed of 37 different faith affiliations. I graduated from Yale with a B.D., now a Master of Divinity. I married a Presbyterian minister and moved to a parish of 4 churches in the Adirondacks in northern NY. My goal was to continue studying 2 hours a day, but that was quickly changed after the births of our two oldest sons. I was the dutiful wife, going to women’s meetings and playing the piano for services when needed, and anything else that would help my husband in his role. It was in 1953 that the Board of Foreign Missions of the Presbyterian Church asked if we would be willing to go to Thailand as fraternal workers under the authority of the indigenous church, the Church of Christ in Thailand. I liked the term of fraternal worker much better than missionary. “Missionary” had its own connotations and not all of them good. Our role was to learn the language and the culture and to be in a supportive role to the nationals. We were not there to preach on street corners and exhort people to follow “the way of Jesus Christ.” We were there to quietly live our lives as we thought Jesus would have us, and by example and learning others might follow. Jay was in the youth department and worked under a Thai. I was in home economics education and worked in training teachers and writing curriculum that was suitable for the Thai culture. I did not talk about washing machines but I created a cone shaped plunger from tin with holes in it and a long pole with a cross piece at the top. A woman could stand over her tub or pail and use the plunger to get clothes clean. This was particularly important for women with leprosy so they did not have to scrub their clothes, bruising their hands, and getting them infected. Part of the home economics program was to help train young women with marketable skills. I became very much interested in the handicrafts of Thailand. That is another story.

When we moved to Pinellas Park in 1975 I joined Good Samaritan Church. It was a forward looking church with a social mission. Within 13 years it became a “More Light Church” meaning that it was fully open to gays, lesbians, bi-sexual, and transgender people. And they really meant it. In the meantime the Presbytery kept voting down the motion to accept such people as ministers or elders. How could that be? We all believed in a loving God. Did God discriminate?

It was in 1993 that I was elected Moderator of the Presbytery of Tampa Bay. It was a momentous occasion for me and as they asked me the official questions I could answer them with my whole heart. Yes!

But as the years moved on I began to have big doubts about what the Church was teaching.

The serving of communion was a problem for me. Our Presbytery wanted to approve the elders who went out with pastors to give communion to people at home. Why? One day Kim Wells, pastor at Lakewood UCC Church where I have an affiliate membership said, “Would you take the service and preach on one particular Sunday? Oh, and by the way, it is communion Sunday.” I immediately responded by saying, “I cannot serve communion. I am not ordained.” She said, “You can serve in the UCC Church.” I stood there at the altar offering the bread and wine on that Sunday. We were having a meal and remembering Jesus. Everyone was invited to participate. No one was excluded – even I could stand at the altar and offer the elements. I was worthy to serve.

Then there is the problem of sin. Don’t tell a mother as she looks into the face of her newborn that the child is sinful. No way. I do not follow the Pauline-Augustinian belief in Original Sin. I believe that human beings are basically good. When God created the world – if that is what one believes – it was good. Why would God look around and say the world was good but human beings were full of sin? Well, because it follows that if we are sinful we must receive salvation, so our church fathers said.

For years I struggled with the idea of salvation. We are being saved from what, for what? One Sunday I heard a sermon that spoke about salvation as being wholeness. That definition made a lot of sense to me. Wholeness is a positive term and a freeing term. I was so excited about my new understanding that I came to Sunday dinner and told my tablemates my new thought. One person glowered at me and said in no uncertain terms, “That is not the meaning of salvation at all.” I smiled and said, “There are many ways of viewing it,” and I changed the subject.

If we do not believe in the total depravity of human beings we do not need the cross. For on the cross the Church has said that Jesus atoned for our sins. I do not believe that Jesus had to pay a price for our sins. The cross is no longer a meaningful symbol of my faith. The cross for me is a terrible act against a human being.

Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the light.” There is no other way. I do not accept this. If God is love, which the Bible tells us, then God is an inclusive God. God does not say to God’s people, “only if you are Christian will you be able to be a part of my family.” Don’t forget, Jesus was a Jew. Do you mean to tell me that a Hindu Saddhu who has been committed his whole life to follow a path of devotion, or a Buddhist monk who can sit for hours chanting, striving for nirvana, or my oldest son and daughter-in-law who are involved in a new age religion that believes in God but considers Jesus a prophet, but practice their faith by going to instruction 2 ½ – 3 hours a week, and each of them has gone on a silent retreat for a whole month. Because they do not believe Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will not be permitted in the accepted group?

My God is not that small.

Which brings me to another belief. Who is God? What is God to each one of us? For years God was that Being beyond us. We prayed to God to do all kinds of things for us and to us. He was like the great Santa Claus and some thought of him like the Grand Puppeteer – directing everything going on in the world. How easy it is to say “It’s God’s will”. As if we can possibly know the will of the Infinite. How can I say in a few words how I perceive God when volumes are written about God.

To me the importance of Jesus is what he taught us about God. I believe that Jesus had a very special relationship to God. Jesus talked about the immediacy of God’s presence. Is that the divine spark within each of us? For me, God is the inner divine essence in each one of us that makes sense. As Jesus had that divine essence within him, so can we have that divine essence in us. The question is, how do we relate to that inner Spirit and develop that sense of relationship to the infinite, to the God within?

Which brings me to prayer. If I don’t believe in the Great Other out there, to whom do I pray? To the inner self? To the divine essence in each of us – the divine spark? And how do I pray? “Please make my friend well? Please get me out of this scrape? Please save me from the tornado that is almost on top of me?” That’s what we have been doing over the centuries – praying for help of all kinds as though the great magician will act. It removes all responsibility from me. I wait for God to intervene. That does not fit with the idea of God being within.

I am praying to the God within me. I need to center myself and attune myself to the best that is within me. It can be through meditation or other forms of centering. Our bodies, our spirits, our minds are wonderful and awesome. When we tune into them we can gain insights and understandings far beyond our wildest thoughts. Sometimes we fall asleep with a problem on our minds. When we awake the answer seems to be so evident. Our minds are working, miraculously, even when we sleep, or especially when we sleep.

How do we pray for someone else or for a concept like peace or justice? We can send thoughts. We can send energy? Send energy? I can’t do that. Yes you can. Energy is a tremendous source in our world. It is everywhere and extremely powerful.

I was shocked when I read in Dan Brown’s book, The Lost Symbol (page 500) “Within a matter of years, modern man will be forced to accept what is now unthinkable: our minds can generate energy capable of transforming physical matter….We are creators and yet we naively play the role of ‘the created’: Once we realize that we are truly created in the Creator’s image, we will start to understand that we, too, must be creators.”

It sent me to the book The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart. Let me encapsulate the book by what the back says ”using cutting-edge research conducted at Princeton, MIT, Stanford, and many other prestigious universities and laboratories, The Intention Experiment reveals that the universe is connected by a vast quantum energy field. Thought generates its own palpable energy, which you can use to improve your life and, when harnessed together with an interconnected group, to change the world.”(back of book)

Cleve Backster was among the first to propose that plants are affected by human intention. He wanted to know if he could elicit alarm in a plant. Using a polygraph chart and electrodes fastened to the leaves he tried immersing one of the leaves in hot coffee. It did not affect the needle on the chart So he thought he would get a match and burn the leaf with the electrodes attached. At the very moment he had the thought the recording pen swung to the top of the polygraph chart and nearly jumped off. He had not burned the plant. He had only thought about it and the plant responded with extreme alarm. (pg. 37 in McTaggart)

There are experiments going on continually that will help us understand our interconnectedness with all parts of the world. Scientists have discovered that telepathy is carried on between every living thing and its environment (McTaggart pg. 41) Fritz-Albert Popp, another scientist, discovered that living things are exquisitely in tune with their environment through light emissions. (McTaggart 43) For me, this helps to explain how we can affect another person through prayer, thoughts, energy, because we are all interconnected. It also helps to understand events that we call “serendipity” – unexplainable coming together of people and events. How does it happen? Is it because of the intercommunication of all things?

Climate change is the big picture, but it is the individual and his or her affect on the environment surrounding them that can have a telling effect. If we are co-creators with God we need to understand as much about the universe as possible so that we can act in tune with it. When we are out of harmony with the world as we are now, devastating actions can take place to the detriment of the whole human race. We thought the Bible told us that we were lord of all we saw. We are not the rulers of the earth but the care-givers that become an integral part of the whole.

This is but a miniscule presentation on ideas that are absolutely mind-boggling. No one has “the truth”. We are all searching for ways to live in harmony with the universe. The only way we can do that is to keep asking questions about God and searching out the secrets of the world and ways in which we can be a positive force in the life of the universe and in the lives of each other.

May it be so.

Jean S. Johnson Chapel May 30, 2012